After playing mental gymnastics with my ex for many years after we broke up, I had to continue with my life.Not a life where she would maintain influence over me, but my life. A life I had to rebuild again. A life where I had to work my way back into social settings without fear of being rejected constantly. And it was difficult to do.
I realized the only way to do this, and move forward with confidence, was to accept I too played a role in my broken relationship. I had to ensure my partner treated me with respect and dignity, and I failed at this. I had to ensure she accepted we both had a role in the relationship, and I failed at this. Everything wasn’t just about her.
The only way to clear your mind is to forgive yourself. Then you can move forward with your life. This is very important. If you continue believing you were at fault, you won‘t move forward. You will remain in a constant state of self-doubt and won‘t allow yourself the option of attaining fulfilment in your life.
You will soon realize you were not the reason for your failed relationship. I don’t believe I will ever forget what I went through with her, and I will also not forgive her. I became indifferent to her and her issues after we split up. I took years to condition my mind not to jump and answer messages or calls from her. It took forever, but eventually she realized that I had walked away from her. She didn’t have a say in the matter. The realization she didn’t have a hold on me any longer forced her to leave me alone.
The quicker we can process the difficulties we faced in our emotionally abusive relationships, the quicker we will return to leading normal lives. There is no time frame as we will each have our own process to follow which makes the most sense to us. But we need to work at it.
Allow no one to tell you to get over it. Allow no one to force you into social situations when you are not ready for them. You will know when the time is right to put yourself out there again.