To get to that point where you walk away from an abusive relationship you are going to go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions to get to that point.
We’ll have a look at what happens after you leave this type of relationship in a minute, but let’s go through the
stages you will likely experience getting to this point first…
Not caring any longer.
You are eventually going to realize that you are dealing with more than just being in a bad relationship. You can only take so much emotional abuse from someone before you have to accept that what is happening to you is not good for you at all.
You are going to notice that your feelings for you partner are going to gradually change over a period of time and you will eventually get to the point of not caring any longer.
This happens only after you accept the fact that no-one has the right to treat you like a doormat.
The problem here is that you may not care about your partner any longer, but the love that you felt in the beginning, is still hidden deep down in your psyche and unfortunately it is going to surface soon…
You start noticing how you and those around you have changed.
The first thing that I noticed about myself was that I was not the happy-go-lucky guy any longer; I had become cranky in response to what was being done to me in terms of the emotional abuse.
Luckily there were no children involved in our relationship, but I can only guess that you will see changes in those around you as you become more aware of the situation you find yourself in.
Your self-esteem and self-confidence will be at its lowest point in a long time, and this makes it even more difficult walking away from an abusive relationship.
Here you’ll want to start making preparations to leave, and unfortunately, your love for your abuser comes rushing back and you’ll want to make another go of the relationship.
This, unfortunately, is going to happen over and over again and is going to keep you in the relationship longer than you have to be.
You eventually build up the courage and walk away.
Walking away is not as easy as it sounds; there are numerous other factors on the sideline that are going to affect you being successful in breaking ties with your abuser.
Don’t be scared to walk away, as things within your relationship are going to get much worse long before there is even an inkling of something positive happening.
If there are children and courts involved, this is going to determine what contact you are going to be forced to have with your abuser. Unfortunately, the kids can become a weapon that your abuser uses to keep piling on the abuse.
You’ve walked away; now what?
Now that you have eventually managed to walk away from an abusive relationship, the rebuilding of your life has to start. This rebuild is going to take time and patience, things that you may not want to exercise due to your urgency of getting out of your situation.
You hopefully made plans for your “escape”, such as the financial and accommodation aspects of your new circumstances, and everything on this sphere is good. Now you need to build a support group for yourself so that they can help you get over what you have been through.
This group will consist of family and friends, and hopefully some professional support as well.
You won’t get over the fact that someone who supposedly loved you treated you so badly, but at least you have someone to talk to when you get those dumb urges to go back to your abuser.
Your major stumbling block of walking away is going to be the emotions that rush through your mind on an almost hourly basis as you think about what has happened.
You are going to hate yourself for being so stupid for so long, but rather that than continually have to suffer abuse at the hand of someone else.
One of the worst things that you are going to be thinking of is the possibility of getting back to normal as you feel that this is going to seal that hole you have in your soul.
‘I wonder what she’s doing today.’
‘Is she thinking about me?’
‘Is she going to call?’
Remember one thing here; if your abuser does make contact with you and promises to change, don’t fall for this.
They are abusers and will remain as such until their dying day. If they don’t win you back over a period of time, believe me, they will move onto their next victim.
Once you have walked away, never ever go back to this person, no matter how easier it may seem to make your life.
They will never put the same effort into normalizing your relationship as you would. Everything will come from your side and they will just continue where they left off.
Get back to the real you.
While you were suffering emotional abuse, you may have lost sight of who you really are and you need to get back to being that person once you have walked away from your relationship.
You became complicit in the situation that you found yourself in due to the various times that you felt that things will get better and hung around because of this.
Fall in love with yourself again, and this will make you feel that you can conquer any of the situations that are going to be thrust on you in the very difficult time that you have ahead of you.
Don’t forget the bravery it took from your side to leave the abuse behind you. Just thinking of this should then get you set up for the next chapter in your life.
Don’t forget to take your time.