I believe that the more someone manipulates you, the less they respect you.
At the outset, you are seen as a challenge, but the longer you stick around, the less your partner cares about you.
Manipulation in a relationship is evil, and emotional manipulators are masters at the games they play.
A few of these games include:
You will be told regularly that you don’t care enough or not at all about your partner or any aspect of their lives. They won’t fight their own battles; they will “guilt” into doing it for them. They won’t tell you straight out what they want from you, they will just manipulate you into giving them what they want.
The sympathy card falls squarely into this game…
They seem to be the only victims in the world. Everyone is always out to get them; their earlier lives were just about being on the receiving end of some injustice.
The best remedy for this nonsense is to call their bluff; they are going to say that they didn’t ask for your help.
Tell them “Ok, you take care of it”, and walk away. Don’t capitulate.
Watch how quickly the story changes and how fast emotional manipulators can think as they come up with another story.
Whatever you have been through, they have experienced ten-fold. There is no scenario where you may have struggled or suffered more than your emotional abuser.
I realized about a year ago to what lengths an abuser will go to get what they want.
A family member had recently been diagnosed as having advanced stage kidney failure, and I informed my ex about this. Many months later, when we were apart and she needed money, instead of asking straight out for help, she had to go to a doctor for lower back pains.
Guess what, the doctor told her that the blood tests showed that there was an issue with her kidney function. When I cracked up laughing, she seemed genuinely upset, until I helped her remember that I had told her a few months before about someone in my family having the same problem.
She had got so caught up in her interim lies to me that she had forgotten all about this, and the manner in which she tried to lie her way out of it, actually deserves a little respect for the effort.
It still amazes me how quickly she thinks on her feet, and how one story can be morphed into another within the space of a few short words.
This is an old favorite of emotional abusers. They are masters at manipulating conversations and situations and turning them around to suit their needs.
You are certain in your mind to what they have said to you, but they come up with such persuasive arguments that you may begin to doubt your own version of events.
Or you may act in self-defense to avert their threatening behavior and get accused of being physically abusive.
Don’t even bother to try and change their minds on this; you are fighting a losing battle. Let them come back to reality and then discuss things on your terms.
Something I read about recently which I think is a brilliant idea is to get a notepad and pen and make notes when you can see that your conversation is turning stupid.
Just tell your partner that your memory is failing and you need to make notes.
I can only imagine the reaction, but I would have loved to have seen it.
You may feel that given time that you will be able to change the manner in which your partner treats you; forget about that right now.
Get rid of your manipulator as quickly as possible, and forget about all the stories that they will come up with to get you to continue in a relationship with them.
If you take them “back” just once, they are going to become like a fatal disease that breaks you down to the point of you allowing nature to run its course.