Let’s get one thing straight – don’t feel anything for your abuser once you are rid of them.
I worried what was happening in the life of my abuser for
too long after we broke up, and it kept my life on hold the entire time.
The thought she my even change now we had separated filled
my mind. This, even though I had years of proof this would never happen. I cultivated
a spark of hope things would return to those initial months of our relationship
where everything was working and we were in a constant state of bliss.
The few months after we separated, I was still coming to
terms how someone I truly loved treated me in this manner. I was still coming
to terms with she didn’t love me, but was using me. This was all clouded by the
deep love I had for her the entire time we were together, irrespective of what
she had done.
The worst thing to do is keeping a verbal relationship with
your abuser after you have separated. They thrive on this. The minute you talk
to them, you open the door to a flood of pain. They know how they have you
wrapped around their little finger, and all they are waiting for is that first
sign you still worry about them.
If there are kids involved, there is almost zero chance you
will be able to ignore your abuser 100% of the time. This is fine. Treat him /
her with indifference. Ensure they fulfil their obligations to the kids, and
don’t allow them to use the children to keep you in a relationship with them.
All sorts of tactics will be used to keep you talking to
Block numbers and email addresses and eventually they will
Don’t dump them because you are angry and bitter. Anger and
bitterness will keep you beholden to them. Dump them because you don’t need
them in your life any longer.
The problem is always emotions and feelings. We must never
forget they manipulated us to the point where they forged our emotions and
feelings so we could almost not live away from them.
We need to accept them for who they are and dump them in the
same manner in which they would dump us if they had a better option at the