The one question that gets asked repeatedly now that I am telling people what I have been through is “Why didn’t you leave an emotionally abusive relationship?”
It is easy to ask this question if you haven’t been through what I have been through.
Granted, I can chalk a lot of what happened to me down to my own weaknesses or stupidity, but when you are in such a relationship, your whole mindset changes.
You think that the person abusing you is not the same person that you fell in love with when in reality this is exactly who your partner is.
You feel that you didn’t fall in love with this monster, and you feel that it is your duty to see if you can get this person back to whom you fell in love with.
Unfortunately, you will never be able to change the behavior of an abuser. They will pile on the abuse as long as you allow them to do so.
I did threaten to walk away on many occasions, but as I look back now, I am still having difficulty pinpointing exactly what kept me in the relationship.
A few things that I still think about
Why did I stay with a woman who showed me not one iota of respect?
Why did I stay with a woman who lied to me from day one?
I was not concerned about a lack of resources as I was the financial stability in the relationship.
Were there guilt issues on my part as I knew that she was struggling with mental issues and this is why she chose to emotionally abuse me?
We did not have children, so this wasn’t an issue.
She kept promising to change, but after the one-hundredth promise, nothing happened, yet I still stayed with her.
She didn’t contribute anything to the relationship but abuse, yet it worried me that if I ended the relationship that she would be living on the streets. She milked this for all that it was worth.
This is where codependency issues raise their heads again, the scourge of all relationships.
When you fall so deeply in love with someone, their well-being becomes the only thing on your mind, no matter their behavior.
Even though you point out to them what they are doing is wrong, you still allow them to continue in the hope that you will be able to change who they are. Stupidity!
I was just a source of “whatever” to her, and the reason that I stayed for so long obviously had something to do with my personality I guess.
Now that we are apart, the harassment continues…
Time to get the law involved!