We’ve all bumped our heads on something at some time, and the pain can be quite intense, depending on how you bang your head.
This is exactly what happens when you allow yourself to be emotionally abused over a period of time; you seem to lose control over your own mind and thoughts.
What eventually happens is that you accept the persona of a victim and see it as your lot in life to be emotionally abused. You believe that your happiness is dependent on how your partner behaves toward you. This is your “headache”.
Unfortunately, due to the situation that you find yourself in, you focus everything into what your partner is doing in terms of their behaviour, and you forget totally about yourself.
The longer you are emotionally abused, the more difficult it may seem that there is nothing that you can do to be happy again.
This is where you are wrong…
It may not seem possible, but the time to change your outlook is while you are in the thick of things.
Your partner is an abuser and will remain so; nothing will change this, so don’t even attempt to try.
Emotional abuse is done covertly, and each time it happens to you, you are taking another bang to the head.
At the end of each “session”, you feel drained; the equivalent of taking a tablet for a headache.
You allowing these continual “sessions” led me to ask state that emotional abuse is the same as taking a constant beating to the head?
You need to understand that even though your partner won’t change, there is no reason why you have to continue allowing yourself to stay in this situation. This is where you shift focus in your life.
This is where that focus has to fall on you and the manner in which you are going to improve your situation for yourself and anyone else involved, be it kids or other family living with you.
Let’s get back to banging your head…
The continual abuse forms part of this, but the bigger issue here is how many times you have forgiven your abuser and their behavior. You allow them their crocodile tears with the accompanying apologies, yet all these are is another way of keeping you under their control.
The anger and resentment that you build up against your abuser and yourself will give you a headache. You are going to hate them for what they are doing to you, but you’ll hate yourself more when you realise how long you have allowed this to go on.
Take that headache tablet, i.e. change your mindset no matter how difficult it may seem, and move forward. There are many things to consider before walking away, but you need to seriously start planning an exit strategy from the relationship.
You need to look at those aspects of your life that can move you forward, like your resilience and that un-flapping determination to make a change to your circumstances.
I can’t emphasise enough the urgency to removing yourself from this type of “relationship”.
Something that has stuck with me for a long time is a thought that I had one evening lying on my bed and wallowing in my stupidity…
If I ever saw someone verbally or emotionally abusing a friend, family member or anyone for that matter, I would become highly upset and put a stop to it. Why then, when this was happening to me, did I not have the same reaction?
I have only come up with one answer that seems to make a little sense; if I reacted, then I may have hated myself even more for challenging my abuser.
There has to be some form of self-hate involved if you allow yourself to be emotionally abused for such a long period of time.
I guess this should give you an idea of how “under her control” I found myself.
Emotional abuse is horrific, but what is even worse, is how you have allowed it to change you as a person.
You automatically want your partner to change their behaviour, but because of who they are, this will never happen.
The logical way forward from here is to change your outlook to that of being the person who is going to change in your relationship.
Take your headache tablet right now.
You are going to have serious doubts about who you really are once you walk away from an emotionally abusive relationship.
- You are always going to be wary of everyone’s motives around you.
- You’ll want to know what you could have done to prevent things in your relationship from going “wrong”.
- You may even feel that there must be something wrong with you if someone treated you as they did.
These questions all went through my mind, but I worked through them and decided to make a go of the new chapter in my life.
I’m still single, but hey, that’s better than being in a destructive relationship of any kind.
I drank my headache tablet…