Something tells us to find closure when our relationships dissolve. How can someone expect me to forget about an experience which has affected me so deeply it is still a part of my soul many years after I separated from my partner?
My layman’s definition of closure would be something like my understanding the reasons my relationship didn’t work out, and I have no emotional attachment to my ex and feel no pain in response to the breakup. Closure tells me something is over and done.
Sorry, none of that is possible after being on the receiving end of emotional abuse for a long time. Those who have not experienced our issues, are usually the ones who use the word ‘closure’ to make them seem knowledgeable on our relationship. How can I find closure in something when it is still around many years after the fact?
There is no closure. It is a word designed to take the responsibility of our happiness away from us and make us believe we are still miserable because we haven’t been able to achieve it. It is one of those words which creates a ceiling in our minds making it impossible to break through if we don’t do so on our own.
How many times have you heard ‘move on and don’t dwell on the past’. I have told myself this many times, yet my time with an emotional abuser changed who I was to where I took years to come to terms with what I went through.
Many of us, including myself, try to get our abusers to admit their behavior, but it amazes me we can be so stupid. Where will someone ever admit to doing something if they either truly believe, or know, they are not in the wrong? Let’s not waste our time trying to get our emotional abusers to forgive us for their bad behavior and move on.
The only closure we can work on is telling us we messed up falling for our emotional abusers and then moving on and healing ourselves so we can put ourselves out there again and live a happy life with someone who deserves us.
We need to stand up for ourselves as only we are in charge of our happiness.
I can hear you screaming that my words are proof I have not found closure and am still to move on. Don’t worry about me. I am the happiest I have ever been with a partner who understands my issues as I put them front and center when we met. She has made our time together amazing, and it is only getting better.
If there is closure in any breakup, it would be no contact of any kind and the person over time will disappear from your life and mind.