Being accepting of emotional abuse for a long period of time comes down to your lack of self-esteem. Somewhere along the line, we all realize we are in an abusive relationship, yet we allow it to continue for whatever reason.
Whether this is due to your experiences within the relationship or how you perceived yourself beforehand is moot. Your self-esteem takes a beating when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
The first requirement after walking away from an emotionally abusive relationship is to heal yourself from within.
Here are a few things I did which proved very helpful to boost my self-esteem.
Take a stroll and notice the sounds and smells around you. Listen to your favorite songs. Lie down, close your eyes and take in the sensations. Think about you and your life. Do nothing. Just sit.
Get in touch with your creative side. Putting my thoughts and experiences down on paper proved quite cathartic. Being able to ‘see’ your thoughts on what you went through puts a whole new perspective on things. It allows you to see where you made some of the worst decisions within your relationship. I’m not saying you need to just write about your relationship. If you prefer writing something else, by all means, do so.
Get rid of Negative Thoughts
I am not one for the morning mantras that seem to be all the rage at the moment, but negative thoughts are something which needs to be banished from your mind. As soon as you have a negative thought with respect to your memory of your relationship, you need to avoid this trigger. You need to guide your thoughts to where you are at the moment and where you want to be in the future.
Focus on the Future
Look to your future without anything holding you back. Focus on where you want to be in terms of emotional health first and foremost. Worry about the physical things later.
Do what you Enjoy
Find something you enjoy doing and make the time and effort to engage in this activity daily if only for a few minutes. Read, call up some friends or listen to some of your favourite tunes. Anything. Force your mind into a happy place.
This is one of the most important things you can do – forgive the partner who abused you. It will be extremely difficult to do so, but it needs to be done. Carrying around negative feelings for your ex long after the fact, is going to keep your mind cemented in the past. Forgive but don’t forget. Most of all, forgive yourself for allowing it to go on for so long.
Create a Support Group
Very important. Have you got friends and family around you who will understand what you have been through and not be judgemental? Do you need to seek out professional help to guide you through the healing process?
Learn to say NO. The reason I remained in my relationship for so long was the continual need I had to forgive my partner for the manner in which she treated me. Don’t do this. The first time a boundary is crossed, challenge it. The more times you allow this to happen, the easier it becomes for your partner to drag you deeper into an emotionally abusive relationship. It makes their job so much easier. Say ‘No’, and watch those cogs in their heads go into overdrive. Don’t budge though. No means no, not maybe.
These are but a few methods you can use to boost your self-esteem.
There are others you may have used which I have not listed above.
Let me know what else you have found useful in your healing process.
The more tactics we can employ, the easier the healing process becomes.