Let’s get one thing straight – don’t feel anything for your abuser once you are rid of them.
I worried what was happening in the life of my abuser for too long after we broke up, and it kept my life on hold the entire time.
The thought she my even change now we had separated filled my mind. This, even though I had years of proof this would never happen. I cultivated a spark of hope things would return to those initial months of our relationship where everything was working and we were in a constant state of bliss.
The few months after we separated, I was still coming to terms how someone I truly loved treated me in this manner. I was still coming to terms with she didn’t love me, but was using me. This was all clouded by the deep love I had for her the entire time we were together, irrespective of what she had done.
The worst thing to do is keeping a verbal relationship with your abuser after you have separated. They thrive on this. The minute you talk to them, you open the door to a flood of pain. They know how they have you wrapped around their little finger, and all they are waiting for is that first sign you still worry about them.
If there are kids involved, there is almost zero chance you will be able to ignore your abuser 100% of the time. This is fine. Treat him / her with indifference. Ensure they fulfil their obligations to the kids, and don’t allow them to use the children to keep you in a relationship with them.
All sorts of tactics will be used to keep you talking to them.
Block numbers and email addresses and eventually they will move on.
Don’t dump them because you are angry and bitter. Anger and bitterness will keep you beholden to them. Dump them because you don’t need them in your life any longer.
The problem is always emotions and feelings. We must never forget they manipulated us to the point where they forged our emotions and feelings so we could almost not live away from them.
We need to accept them for who they are and dump them in the same manner in which they would dump us if they had a better option at the time.