When we leave an emotionally abusive relationship and gather the pieces remaining of our lives, the most important thing to do is to take stock of who we are.
The temptation is to crawl into a shell, stay there, feel sorry for ourselves and hope everything will get better with no input or effort from us. The longer we are inactive in our healing process, the longer we will be miserable.
Healing starts from the inside.
Don’t beat yourself up for what you allowed yourself to go through even though it may have taken a long time before you realized you were being emotionally abused.
Look for that strength within which enabled you to walk away from your relationship and use it to move forward.
Once you have found the strength, the question is what to do with it?
You need a major change in mindset which will not happen overnight. It may take weeks, months or in my case, years.
Work at it daily.
You know who you are even though you have had someone tell you otherwise so often you have accepted their version of you as the truth.
The challenge is to get the real you back out into the world and let people to share in the beauty of who you really are.
In this challenge, you will find things you may not be proud of doing or saying as you used their own tactics against them every so often.
Through introspection, I have learned a lot about myself regarding why she treated so badly for so long.
My inability to say ‘NO’ to anything she ever did or said was the major reason I stayed in my relationship for so long. I was basically her doormat, and she loved it.
I’m sure there are many more reasons, and my therapist will get to them I’m sure.
I don’t hold a grudge against my ex.
I wish her all the best, but I will never forgive or forget what she put me through.
I know many people will say I should forgive to move on, but that can’t happen if the after-effects of her emotional abuse of me lingered for many years after-the-fact. I knew what I needed to do for me, and forgiveness of her was not it.
I forgave me for not standing up for myself when I knew what I was experiencing was wrong.