As you are well aware, emotional abuse is something that happens to a person over a long period of time…
And if you think that you’ll be able to just pack up and leave, think again.
The effects of emotional abuse run deep, and you are going to go through some serious internal conflict before you decide to walk away. At this point in your relationship, just the simple action of making rational decisions is going to seem to be impossible.
You are going to think back at all of those times that you should have walked away and will wonder why you didn’t.
Why did you stay?
If life was perfect, you’d just walk out the door, but sometimes there are a few obstacles that you need to overcome to get to that next stage in your life.
It is going to take a while for you to even realise that you are being emotionally abused, and when you eventually do, you will hopefully understand that you need to get away from your situation.
- Decision to leave and preparations to go
These are the only three steps to getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship…
The acceptance of what your relationship really is
At the point of acceptance, you are going to realise just how much you have changed. You won’t even recognise the person that you have become.
Your friends have noticed changes in you over a period of time and may even have mentioned this to you, buy you wouldn’t even have noticed the changes yourself.
Once you have realised that you are in an abusive relationship, you need to accept this outright.
Don’t look for excuses to justify the behaviour of the abuser.
Even though your self-esteem and -confidence is going to be at their lowest at this point, you are going to have to work at building them back up to their normal heights.
One of the quickest ways to do this is to get back into your social circle again. You may have been isolated from friends and family at this point, and it is time to seek them out again.
Don’t rush into another relationship.
Getting back into the normal swing of things will allow your guarded emotions to come to the surface and you will be able to make much more decisive plans for your future without taking your abuser into account.
Once you have accepted that being in your relationship is no longer good for you, your mindset has to go from that of being a victim to that of an aggressor.
This will happen gradually as you come to realise how badly you have been treated for so long…
The decision to leave and preparations to go.
One of the first things to do is to inform those family and friends that you are re-establishing contact with, of your intention to leave your current situation.
The major consideration that anyone walking away from a relationship of any kind, I believe, is financial. This type of separation has to take place quickly for your own good health, and your financial parachute must already be in place when you walk out the door.
Are you able to go out on your own?
Are you able to cover those extra expenses that are sure to arise?
Are you going to be able to pay rent if you are going to move out?
If you’re employed and can use this as leverage, do so. Tell your abuser that you are not there due to financial constraints and that you can walk away at any time and look after yourself.
If you don’t have the financial independence, then make sure that you have a place to stay with friends or family the day that you decide to leave.
Obviously, you must not walk out the door in a huff and have nowhere to go, as the only conclusion to this is your returning to even more emotional abuse.
VERY, VERY important…
You must make a definite decision to leave, and stick to it…
Set boundaries for leaving, and stick to them.
Be strong, stronger than you have been for a long time.
Your abuser is waiting for any sign of weakness from you as this is how they managed to keep you in an abusive relationship for so long.
Pack up and go
There is nothing more to say at this stage, except that you must leave and don’t look back.
Don’t listen to the apologies that will come thick and fast…
Don’t listen to the promises of the changes that your abuser is going to make to their behaviour.
There was an obvious bond you felt with your abuser, which is why you possibly fell in love the first time around, but don’t let that cloud your judgement.
Even though you have a lot of time and energy invested in your relationship, those few moments where you weren’t on the receiving end of abusive behave can’t justify the many, many days, month’s or years that you were treated so inhumanely. Don’t let those few moments dissuade you from achieving your ultimate goal her, which is getting back to the old you.
You need to stay away from your abuser and if that means changing telephone numbers and the like then this needs to be done.
Being a victim of emotional abuse, my battle scars are internal, and no-one really understands that.
This is why it is imperative that you also seek out professional help to guide you through the emotional conflict that you will be experiencing now. You need to hear yourself saying and expressing exactly what you have been through.
These are the only steps that you need for getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Stick to them, and they will get you back to the life that you deserve, not the one that has been foisted upon you as a victim of emotional abuse.