You may have noticed in previous posts that I list narcissism as one of my top 3 characteristics of emotional abusers.
We are going to dig a little deeper into the “character” of a narcissist and you’ll understand why you need to avoid them at all costs.
A narcissist is someone who is so in love with themselves that it affects all those around them.
They don’t have enough of this love to share with others, and what happens is that you get loads of abuse heaped on you.
Narcissism: what you need to look out for…
They want to be the center of attention
The first thing that you are going to notice about a narcissist is that everything is about them.
They believe so much of their own press that they become unaware of their behavior as it is deeply ingrained into their being.
Whatever direction a conversation takes they will have an opinion about everything.
They always have been there, done more and better, than anyone who has found themselves in a similar situation as is being discussed at the time.
If they want something, they want it now
Whatever it is that they want, there is no waiting for it.
When my ex-girlfriend wanted something from me, she would phone at all hours of the day until I answered.
If I didn’t answer, I would see on my missed call log that she had phoned up to 150 times over the course of a few hours.
When I did call her back, she would always say “Why are you ignoring me; what if it was an emergency?”
They will get you so hooked on them, that you are always going to look for a manner to give them what they want, no matter the consequences to yourself.
They can be oh so charming
The skilled narcissist will draw you into a crazy game as a willing participant.
If there was an award for acting in our daily lives, narcissists would walk away with the award each time.
They can read a people and will become a mirror of who you are.
You’ll notice that they spend a lot of time on their physical appearance, even though this forms a small part of their charm.
Your likes become theirs; everything you hate disgusts them.
They will tell you what you want to hear, and you find so much in common with them that a relationship with them may be the next logical step.
I have an idea that this charm is used to mask their total lack of emotion for anyone or anything.
They can hold grudges
A narcissist can go from having you on a pedestal to dumping you on the ground and stomping all over you in a matter of seconds.
A narcissist loves it when you ask them about the normal things in a relationship like “how was your day?” or “Did you enjoy the evening out”.
You know, the mundane things that happen in a relationship.
What they can’t handle is when you challenge them on issues that they see as an inconvenience.
Ask about where the money was spent or why they did what they did in particular situation, and you will come to know who your partner really is.
Have you ever heard “You don’t love me anymore” or “They are more important to you than I am.”
They don’t make outright accusations, but the manner in which they say something to you will tell you that you need to tread lightly…
Nothing is ever their fault
This is the first thing that you will notice in any conversation with a narcissist; nothing is their fault.
Whatever has happened in their life was not decided by their own actions…
Wherever they find themselves along their path of life, has been determined by what people have done to them in the past.
You will hear a narcissist say sorry on a continual basis.
They use “sorry” because they know that this is what you want to hear and it usually will make you calm down and you’ll forget what the whole argument was about.
Because nothing is their fault, one thing you have to be very aware is that they may blame you for everything bad that has happened in their lives.
As those people who slighted them are not around any longer, you will have to pay for their anger.
Remember that each time you fall for this “sorry” you are giving permission for them to continue with this behavior of theirs.
Taking advantage of people
Everybody is used as a means to and end in the eyes of a narcissist.
Everyone has something to give a narcissist. You may not know at the outset what it is that they are looking for, but
they do and will behave accordingly.
Their show of love is a weapon that they use to get what they want.
They have no problem using people to get what they need from life.
Taking advantage of others take place covertly, and you usually wont be the wiser until it is too late.
These are a few more things to look out for in a narcissist.
Let me know in the comments what else I missed…