There are many factors that contribute to us not wanting to talk about the fact that we are being emotionally abused.
Two major factors of this are…
- Men don’t want to be told we are weak when we inform others that we are being emotionally abused by our partners.
- Women don’t want to hear the same old question: “Why don’t you just leave”.
So what makes discussing emotional abuse so difficult?
We don’t know that we are experiencing emotional abuse.
The most common issue is that many of us don’t even know that we are being abused in this manner.
We see the behaviour of our abuser as normal as it is all we know.
Something else that may be a factor is that many cases of emotional abuse are not reported.
Even if you wanted to report the abuse, you become hesitant as the effects of emotional abuse are usually minimized, making it seem that this form of abuse is not that serious.
“Were you physically harmed?” is normally the first question you will hear when you attempt to lay a charge.
When your response is “No”, then the stock response is that there is nothing that we can do.
I noticed over the years was that I refused to believe that someone who supposedly loves me would consciously treat me in this way.
You as the victim, come to believe that you are the problem in your relationship and take it upon yourself to fix things.
This you do to your own detriment.
Something else that you may need to consider is that you and your partner are co-dependent.
You are kept in a state of emotional confusion by your abuser.
There are so many tactics that emotional abusers use to gain control and power over you.
To be in a perpetual state of emotional confusion is very taxing on a person, and the natural response would be to let things go.
The major issue is that we focus on the content of the arguments that we have with our abusers, rather than the real issue; the need that they have to dominate and control us.
A quick rule of thumb:
- do they deny that they have said certain things?
- do they love changing the subject when they don’t like hearing what you have to say?
- have they ever just cut you off mid-sentence to try and get the upper hand?
You believe the abuse that you are experiencing is your fault.
Emotional abusers are masters at turning everything around to make you feel that it is your fault.
I also had this stupid idea that my abuser had the capacity to change and this is why I stuck around for so long.
An emotional abuser cannot change…
The longer you stick around, the longer you are going to be abused.
They are going to take everything that they can from you, and not care how this will affect you mentally or physically.
You would have heard stories of troubles that your abuser experienced in their formative years, and you are going to feel sorry for them.
You will feel that because of this if you challenge your abuser on their behaviour toward you their outbursts are warranted.
It is very difficult to understand the hold that these emotional abusers have on a person, but the fact is it that it is very real.
It is difficult for us to discuss emotional abuse as we don’t really understand what we are experiencing.
The quicker this form of abuse is accepted on the same level as other forms of abuse, the quicker we will start to talk more openly about it and improve our understanding of its mechanics.