Codependency in a relationship is the greatest trap that you can fall into with a partner.
Once you become codependent, it will take an enormous amount of effort on your part to try and remedy this situation, or to get out of your relationship.
Codependency on Wikipedia is defined as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.”
Your role in the relationship
What this comes down to is that you forget about yourself and everything in the relationship becomes about your partner.
We co-dependents are in general caring people, but we care way beyond the borders of reason. You forget about your wants and needs, and making your partner happy becomes the driving force in your life. You will eventually become so blind to your behavior that you automatically take on the consequences of your partner’s actions.
You may make decisions that you would normally never make, just to keep your partner happy. You enable their behavior.
Their role in the relationship
I was involved with a narcissist, who is also a drug addict, and was diagnosed bipolar.
I didn’t stand a chance…
As they know that you are codependent, they will do anything that they want to because they are well aware that you will do everything in your power to make sure that nothing happens to them.
They will also see how far they can push you before you break. When you do eventually put your foot down, they will act all apologetic, crocodile-tears will flow.
They are fully aware that no matter what fuss you make, you will return to being codependent.
Why codependency is dangerous
The main reason codependency is so dangerous, is that you, as the codependent, will not even realize that you are being emotionally abused. By the time you wake up, it will be incredibly difficult to get out of the relationship.
In my case, the biggest issue I had was with my partner being a cocaine addict, and the drug debts she left all over the place. As we lived apart, and I was aware of her drug addiction, I never questioned her when she called me to say that a dealer was after her if she did not pay up “now”.
I was worried of what may happen to her if the debt wasn’t paid.
It never even crossed my mind that she was using my fear of her being inconvenienced to get more money for drugs. As time passed, I realized that I was being used to supply cash for her addiction, but for some reason, I did not stop sending her money.
It took me a while, but I have woken up, and no longer do this.
Emotional abuse and codependency in a relationship go hand in hand. They feed off each other in a manner that is damaging to any relationship