It is a sad thing to say, but the longer you experience emotionally abuse, the easier it becomes to be the boss of the abusive relationship you are in.
I have mentioned in previous posts that emotional abuses is generally heaped on someone over a long period of time…
It is this time that we must use to equip ourselves with the ammunition to eventually walk away from our abuser.
As this form of abuse is about dominating and gaining power over you, it is a great idea to harness your own power to take control of the relationship; be the boss…
Don’t react in order just to keep the peace.
This is one of the first things that we have to learn, don’t just give in to your partner’s demands because you think it will make your day easier.
Remember that you are being emotionally abused, and the longer you allow your abuser to get their own way, the longer you are going to suffer.
I believe an emotional abuser has certain issues that they are battling with, but this doesn’t give them the right to treat you in this manner.
Think about yourself first, then your partner.
You may already have an idea of what may be partly responsible for their behaviour, but remember that whatever you decide to do must be in line with your own physical and mental well-being.
Everything you do from this point forward must be from the standpoint of taking control of your situation.
Don’t allow the daily abuse to continue; now is the time to stand up for yourself.
Take notes on everything that is said in your conversations.
One of the best little tricks I read about years ago, can’t remember where, was to take notes in front of my partner when the words coming out of her mouth started becoming “stupid”.
I kept a little notebook and just jotted down what was being said so that I could refer back to it when in future conversations or arguments her standpoint would be “I never said or did that”.
The notes were very simple; date, time and a summary of what she said.
You won’t believe the change this little book brought around in my attitude towards nonsense that was being flung at me by my ex.
Even if you don’t want to risk taking notes in front of your partner, do it for yourself.
It is going to shock you once you read the notes over a period of time and see just how long your partner has been emotionally abusing you.
With the taking of your notes, you need to also jot down how you reacted during this exchange between you and your partner.
By noting your own behaviour, you will become aware of what you need to do to change the situation you find yourself in.
Set boundaries and make sure that you stick to them.
Set boundaries and stick to them.
This is where your little notebook comes into play; now you have proof of what is being said and done to you, so take control of your situation.
The next time you get into an argument or whatever, haul out the notebook and then…
You then set the rules:
- “If you ever (do this) again, then (this) is going to happen”
- “If you ever (say that) again, then (that) is going to happen”
It is important that you stick to your rules because if you don’t, your abuser will just take this as a sign of weakness and continue where they left off.
The look on her face every time that I gave her a date, time and place of where she said what and why, was that push that I needed to boost my self-confidence and to eventually walk away from her.
Not even she could deny what she had said or done in the past as she was present when I was taking notes.
Let’s take control…
Now is the time for you to take control of your relationship.
I know it is easy to say and incredibly difficult to do, but you have to do it now.
Do it slowly and build up your confidence so that when the day you finally decide that enough is enough, that you can walk away without looking back.