You wake up in the morning and those thoughts cross your mind once again…
What am I still doing in this relationship?
Why, after all I have been through, am I still with my abuser?
What have I done, or what has happened to me to make me want to stay in this relationship?
Certain mistakes that I made in my relationship caused me to get sucked deeper into the game that my ex was playing with my emotions.
There are many little things that happened to me during the course of my relationship that shackled me to my ex-girlfriend and still do so to this day.
What I should’ve done much faster was to recognize how I was changing; how I wasn’t me any longer.
Was I intimidated by her?
One of the first things that I noticed very early on in our relationship was that she was not appreciative of anything that I did for her; she seemed very entitled.
I challenged her on this many times, but I always seemed to fall into the same trap of doing things for her without any appreciation in return.
Trying to have a discussion with her on any subject was difficult, as I already knew what her response would be to a particular subject without having said a single word.
So, instead of having a discussion where I knew I would be speaking to myself, I rather let things slide and carry on as they were.
I guess that I was intimidated not only by her but what I had come to realize she was doing to me.
Everything, according to her, is more important than she is
She will throw the “your work is more important than I am” routine at you every so often.
I do understand that I spent a lot of time away from home building a business, but there had to be sacrifices made.
In the long run this would have been beneficial to both of us, but it was never looked at in that manner.
I was always “trying to get away”, and as our relationship deteriorated, this may actually have developed a little truth along the way.
She never noticed the sacrifices that I had to make in order to be in a relationship with her, but I guess this is how a narcissist looks at life.
Yes, I did make certain things more important in my life, but only because the one person that I valued the most didn’t see me in the same way.
This is possibly the biggest issue that any relationship can have; trust.
If you can’t trust the person that you love, then who can you trust?
The problem was that I never was able to get to the point in my relationship where I never questioned anything that my girlfriend said or did.
As I was away from home a lot, I always had those niggling thoughts that whatever she was telling me on the phone was a complete lie.
Why didn’t I get out of a relationship that someone I didn’t trust?
You love this person with everything that you are, so having a seemingly “small” trust issue didn’t seem to be so important at the time.
Did I give her the opportunities to gain my trust; yes, continually but I could never get myself to trust her completely as you should your partner in a relationship.
What was her stock response to anything that I said when I was away from her; “You don’t trust me”.
Even though you know this is the truth, it still hurts to hear someone that you love utter these words.
Your emotional abuser will use your exact lack of trust to keep you feeling guilty and to keep you around.
You don’t stand up for yourself in the relationship
Boundaries are important, and if you don’t set and stick to them then you are going to find yourself stuck in the relationship.
When you start bending your own rules, your emotional abuser knows that they have you under their control.
You would rather not argue than get into a slanging match with someone you have absolutely no hope of getting through to.
This then leads you to believe that there is no other way to treat your relationship than taking a step back and hoping that everything works out.
You not displaying backbone is fodder to someone who has nothing in mind other than to gain power and control over your life.
We all do make mistakes in our relationships, but we also need to stand up and take responsibility for how our relationship develops.
If it is not going anywhere, you need to pack up and not bump the door on the way out.
Steer clear of the mistakes that I made and create memories, not drama for yourself.